Straight Eye for a Queer Pope
December 16th 2007 00:31
Franco Zeffirelli has offered to do a makeover on Pope Benedict XVI. According to Mr Z, the Pope's clothes have become too showy and he needs to tone down a little. "Sobriety" is the key word, apparently. I think that translates as "respectable". He should become a cultural Lutheran in order to trick people into thinking he's something he's not. I read recently the interesting statistic that when Benedict visited Brasil only a million people turned up, but three million turned up for Mardi Gras. Perhaps he ought to have worn more bling, not less.
I have a couple of questions. Assuming that the Pope goes all the way with Mr Z and tones down, where do you stop? Is one tassel more or less going to make the Church's teaching on sexual morality, just for example, more acceptable? You can just imagine the scenario - Hugh Heffner sees the Pope in his habitum pianum when every one knows he should have been wearing a Fulda. "Oh my God", throwing his hands in the air, dislodging a couple of playgirls from his knee,"I've been wrong all these years. I'm off to confession right now. I'm selling my business empire and joining a monastery." All that the Pope's toning down his vestments would do is set off a wave of eloquent, esoteric discontent in high camp Catholicism's cyber kingdoms.
Going even further, as I am wont to do, are we to see the Pope in an Ein Feste Berg charcoal grey suit and a respectable tie when he comes to see us for World Youth day? Do you think pilgrims will come to see a little old man in a Zegna suit? Again, how far do you go? Why not an Hawaian shirt and boardies? He can fit in with the beach culture at Bondi. (If was photo shop capable I'd post a mock up for you). Maybe the Dalai Lama will follow the trend. Now there's a photo op - Bennie slapping the UV protection on the back of the Dally. Then they could share a can of Bundy and Coke before both fracturing their hips in the surf.
Were I Pope, I wouldn't be hiring Zeffirelli for advice. I'd be looking for a good honest atheist cultural anthropologist, or even a business consultant. Photo ops of the Pope visiting homebound parishioners would be closer to the Church's "core" business. Cardinal Gilroy was well known for visiting the sick every single week with the Brown Nurses ( a Sydney religious order founded for this purpose). He could start really being the parish priest of Rome. If he did that, I think he could wear as much or little as he liked.
I have a couple of questions. Assuming that the Pope goes all the way with Mr Z and tones down, where do you stop? Is one tassel more or less going to make the Church's teaching on sexual morality, just for example, more acceptable? You can just imagine the scenario - Hugh Heffner sees the Pope in his habitum pianum when every one knows he should have been wearing a Fulda. "Oh my God", throwing his hands in the air, dislodging a couple of playgirls from his knee,"I've been wrong all these years. I'm off to confession right now. I'm selling my business empire and joining a monastery." All that the Pope's toning down his vestments would do is set off a wave of eloquent, esoteric discontent in high camp Catholicism's cyber kingdoms.
Going even further, as I am wont to do, are we to see the Pope in an Ein Feste Berg charcoal grey suit and a respectable tie when he comes to see us for World Youth day? Do you think pilgrims will come to see a little old man in a Zegna suit? Again, how far do you go? Why not an Hawaian shirt and boardies? He can fit in with the beach culture at Bondi. (If was photo shop capable I'd post a mock up for you). Maybe the Dalai Lama will follow the trend. Now there's a photo op - Bennie slapping the UV protection on the back of the Dally. Then they could share a can of Bundy and Coke before both fracturing their hips in the surf.
Were I Pope, I wouldn't be hiring Zeffirelli for advice. I'd be looking for a good honest atheist cultural anthropologist, or even a business consultant. Photo ops of the Pope visiting homebound parishioners would be closer to the Church's "core" business. Cardinal Gilroy was well known for visiting the sick every single week with the Brown Nurses ( a Sydney religious order founded for this purpose). He could start really being the parish priest of Rome. If he did that, I think he could wear as much or little as he liked.
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